Christian Wake, 2016
23/03/16 05:09
The world in which I minister is vastly different from that of many previous generations of faith leaders. Compared to much of the history of the world, ours is a time with low infant mortality. In the Middle Ages it has been reported that as many as 1/3 of all children died before the age of 5. The death rate of women in childbirth was 5% in childbirth itself with a further 15% dying from infections that followed delivery. I those times if a person survived childhood, maintained good health and wasn’t killed in a war, life expectancy was somewhere in the mid forties. At least that would be the case for those in the highest class of society. Rates of death by accident and malnutrition were much higher among peasants.
The result is that we have a different level of experience with death, and perhaps a different capacity to deal with grief. It is a bit uncertain how our forebears dealt with grief and loss. There have been some that speculated a harsher attitude toward loss. There were societies and cultures where infants weren’t named until their health could be ascertained. But the lack of a name says nothing substantive about the bonds formed between parents and very young children. It seems as possible to me that there was a constant state of sadness and grief upon many families because of the high rates of loss.
Whatever may have been the case with those who have gone before, it is not at all uncommon for me to work with family members who are experiencing their first personal contact with grief when we plan a funeral. Not long ago I worked with a family on the funeral for an elder. Some of her children were born after the death of her parents and had lives into their late forties and early fifties without ever having experienced the death of a close family member. Everything about the experience was new to them. I have no way of evaluating whether that made the process more or less difficult than it is for those who have more experience with death. It is just different.
Holy Week gives Christians the opportunity to practice the skills involved with dealing with grief and loss. In this week we speak openly about death and the reality that none of us will escape death. Rather than treat death as an enemy, which is the case for much conversation about dying in our society, we explore our faith that death is not the end. Beauty, peace, meaning, faith, hope and love all are greater than death. Even though we will all one day die from this life the gift of life is stronger than death.There are important realities of human life that do not end with death.
It is important that we remind ourselves that our faith does not make us immune to pain or the sadness of loss. We grieve in a unique way because of the hope that we possess, but it still hurts to experience loss and we still need to allow ourselves to grieve.
In planning the Holy Week activities of the church we have taken special note of experiences for children that allow them to speak of death, loss and grief in the context of their families and the wider family of the church. This evening’s “wake service” is a complete meal with a structured conversation as we eat. We will tell stories of Jesus and speak of the events of his life in a way that will recall the stories that we have told throughout the year. Different members of the community have agreed to tell different parts of the story during the meal. As we share a meal we will recall the basic elements of the passover meal that Jesus shared with his disciples. Without recreating the actual meal and traditions of our forebears, we will recall the ways in which they ate with special ceremony as they taught their children about the Exodus from slavery in Egypt and God’s decisive intervention in human history.
Then, at the end of the meal we will celebrate the sacrament of Holy Communion, recalling Jesus last supper with his disciples and remembering the many times our people have shared that simple symbolic meal as we lived out our faith in the generations since the life, death and resurrection of Jesus.
The meal also includes games and even a bit of laughter. It is a time of fond remembrances and sharing joy. But there is serious business in teaching our children about the reality of death, the nature of grief, and the ways in which our people have learned to share grief and loss. Just knowing that ours isn’t the first generation to have experienced grief is an important lesson to teach our children.
Not every family that we serve chooses to have a family service or wake. But every family that I have worked with in my time of serving as a minister has found the way to gather for a family meal in the midst of loss and grief. And those meals inevitably lead to conversation about the deceased. The process of telling stories and sharing memories is a vital part of the journey of grief.
Like a musician practicing over and over again or an athlete being disciplined in training, we practice our faith as a way of preparing for that which lies ahead. There are skills and techniques that can be learned. There are patterns and relationships that strengthen teamwork and allow us to be more adept and working on challenges that are too large to be accomplished by an individual. Whether you think of life as art or a contest, the value of practice is evident.
Tonight is yet another opportunity to pass down the practices of our faith to our children and the children of our community. Like all opportunities for teaching it is also an opportunity for learning. Like all practices, there continues to be room for more practice.
Our faith is a journey and when we travel together the journey yields deep meaning and great joy.
The result is that we have a different level of experience with death, and perhaps a different capacity to deal with grief. It is a bit uncertain how our forebears dealt with grief and loss. There have been some that speculated a harsher attitude toward loss. There were societies and cultures where infants weren’t named until their health could be ascertained. But the lack of a name says nothing substantive about the bonds formed between parents and very young children. It seems as possible to me that there was a constant state of sadness and grief upon many families because of the high rates of loss.
Whatever may have been the case with those who have gone before, it is not at all uncommon for me to work with family members who are experiencing their first personal contact with grief when we plan a funeral. Not long ago I worked with a family on the funeral for an elder. Some of her children were born after the death of her parents and had lives into their late forties and early fifties without ever having experienced the death of a close family member. Everything about the experience was new to them. I have no way of evaluating whether that made the process more or less difficult than it is for those who have more experience with death. It is just different.
Holy Week gives Christians the opportunity to practice the skills involved with dealing with grief and loss. In this week we speak openly about death and the reality that none of us will escape death. Rather than treat death as an enemy, which is the case for much conversation about dying in our society, we explore our faith that death is not the end. Beauty, peace, meaning, faith, hope and love all are greater than death. Even though we will all one day die from this life the gift of life is stronger than death.There are important realities of human life that do not end with death.
It is important that we remind ourselves that our faith does not make us immune to pain or the sadness of loss. We grieve in a unique way because of the hope that we possess, but it still hurts to experience loss and we still need to allow ourselves to grieve.
In planning the Holy Week activities of the church we have taken special note of experiences for children that allow them to speak of death, loss and grief in the context of their families and the wider family of the church. This evening’s “wake service” is a complete meal with a structured conversation as we eat. We will tell stories of Jesus and speak of the events of his life in a way that will recall the stories that we have told throughout the year. Different members of the community have agreed to tell different parts of the story during the meal. As we share a meal we will recall the basic elements of the passover meal that Jesus shared with his disciples. Without recreating the actual meal and traditions of our forebears, we will recall the ways in which they ate with special ceremony as they taught their children about the Exodus from slavery in Egypt and God’s decisive intervention in human history.
Then, at the end of the meal we will celebrate the sacrament of Holy Communion, recalling Jesus last supper with his disciples and remembering the many times our people have shared that simple symbolic meal as we lived out our faith in the generations since the life, death and resurrection of Jesus.
The meal also includes games and even a bit of laughter. It is a time of fond remembrances and sharing joy. But there is serious business in teaching our children about the reality of death, the nature of grief, and the ways in which our people have learned to share grief and loss. Just knowing that ours isn’t the first generation to have experienced grief is an important lesson to teach our children.
Not every family that we serve chooses to have a family service or wake. But every family that I have worked with in my time of serving as a minister has found the way to gather for a family meal in the midst of loss and grief. And those meals inevitably lead to conversation about the deceased. The process of telling stories and sharing memories is a vital part of the journey of grief.
Like a musician practicing over and over again or an athlete being disciplined in training, we practice our faith as a way of preparing for that which lies ahead. There are skills and techniques that can be learned. There are patterns and relationships that strengthen teamwork and allow us to be more adept and working on challenges that are too large to be accomplished by an individual. Whether you think of life as art or a contest, the value of practice is evident.
Tonight is yet another opportunity to pass down the practices of our faith to our children and the children of our community. Like all opportunities for teaching it is also an opportunity for learning. Like all practices, there continues to be room for more practice.
Our faith is a journey and when we travel together the journey yields deep meaning and great joy.